A few days ago, I celebrated the 8th anniversary of my 29th birthday (I’ll let you do the math). I love my birthday…don’t ask me why, because I honestly don’t know. I’ve been told numerous times that at this point in my life, I’m supposed to hold birthdays in contempt, and pretend they don’t exist. This is something I refuse to do. I intend on celebrating my birthday until I’m a ripe old age. Make note of that.

This year, with 40 looming on the horizon, I’ve been thinking a lot about different things. Not really about my mortal self, for who knows when my light shall forever be extinguished…it could happen tomorrow for all I know. I’ve been thinking about history, in a way. No, not conventional histories, but my own history. It’s something that we all possess…each event that has happened in our life, whether large or small, life altering or forgettable, helps to shape our own personal history. Even the smallest detail ends up being important in it’s own way. But our history isn’t just comprised of what has happened; it also encompasses what is happening now, and what is to come. It is the latter that I am most concerned with as of late.

Those that know me well, know that I am not a terribly patient person (in fact, they might argue that statement in of itself is an understatement of the grandest proportions). I don’t like to wait for things in general…I’ve always been the one to sneak into my parent’s room and open my Christmas presents early (I had it down to a science…you couldn’t even tell that they had been opened), or find out whether it was a boy or a girl that we were having when I’ve been expecting. I just don’t like to wait, and while I’ve gotten better (I no longer open my Christmas presents early…although this could be because they’re hidden much better now), I still tend to lack greatly in the patience department. In regard to my life, I often wonder what is going to happen…you see, since the later chapters of my life are still unwritten, I’m not able to skip to the end to see how it all comes out. This provokes much in the way of pondering on my part, and also attempts to influence certain events in order to figure at least some of it out ahead of time. Like where I am going to live, which is an aspect that I’ve been working on for some time, and am pretty sure I have it totally figured out. But that news is for another entry, I’m afraid. Other things are not quite as easy to control and it is those things that I would love to be able to find out ahead of time….just to be ready for them, because one should always be prepared, right? Is it wrong to desire to know how certain aspects of my life are going to weave together; what kind of patterns each tiny little thread is going to create? What is going to happen next? What will the next chapter contain? I think we all have a little piece of us that wishes to know these things…it’s just that some of you are far more patient and gain satisfaction in knowing that all will indeed be known at some point. I do as well, but a hint here and there would really be nice.

Someday, maybe, I’ll be able to live that virtuous life full of patience. For now, I’m just going to have to be content with the lack thereof. Honestly, it’s not like it’s a bad thing anyway. Wondering what is to be just makes me all the more excited to find out. And excitement is always a fun diversion.

Advertisements